Dealing With Criticism

Not many people say they felt good when criticized.  Most describe feeling belittled, guilty, angry, powerless, out of control, embarrassed, hurt, humiliated, stupid, insignificant, etc.  Why does criticism so often feel threatening?  Think back to when you were a child and what usually followed criticism.  Punishment.  Criticism usually meant we were bad or inadequate.

 Here are five questions to ask yourself the next time you experience criticism:

(1)       Who criticized you?

(2)       What are you criticized about?  (Are there patterns?)

(3)       What is your critic’s intent?  (i.e. motivate, dominate, improve performance?)

(4)       What is your response to criticism?

(5)       What are your feelings?

 We all respond differently to different critics.  We often can handle criticism from one source but not another.  Knowing who our critics are can help us form a strategy to deal with them, and understanding your critics’ motives is key to formulating an appropriate response.   Some critics themselves are unaware of their own intent and, because it is often difficult for us to decipher, it can be helpful to ask for insight from thoughtful, well-informed people.  Being aware of patterns of criticism from several sources, helps us identify the kernel of truth in the criticisms and consider changes we want to make in our own behavior.